Pizza for the poor.

If you are poor like me, make pizza. Dough is cheap to make, and pizza toppings last for days.

My recipes remain in a suspended state of discombobulation so I am embarrassed to admit to using Jamie Oliver's dough recipe. HERE!

There are stipulations upon embarking on a pizza journey:

1. There will be anchovies

2. There will be homemade ranch dressing

If you haven't had homemade ranch yet, holy beaver, are you in for a treat.

In a bowl combine:

1/2 C mayo

3/4 C buttermilk (if you don't have buttermilk you can use regular milk, but use 1/2 cup instead)

2 Tbs dried dill

2 tsp onion powder

2 tsp garlic powder

1 clove finely minced fresh garlic

S & P to taste

That's it! I just stir it all together with a fork. Easy Peasy. If your ranch comes out too runny, add more mayo. If your ranch is too thick, add more milk/buttermilk.

As for anchovies, problem solved: Ceasar salad

Let's make croutons!

To make croutons, cube up whatever bread you have on hand. Whole wheat ciabatta? Bring it on. Crappy white bread? Whatever. Stale bread? I don't care. Some are better than others, but they all serve the same purpose: a crunchy bit of stuff that tastes delicious.

In a small pot or pan combine (on low heat):

-2 Tbs butter
-2 Tbs olive oil 
-2 cloves minced garlic
-pinch of salt

Once everything is melted together, remove from heat.
Dice up three slices of bread and toss it into the pot/pan.
Stir till combined.
Pour contents of pan (including excess butter/oil/garlic tidbits) onto a cookie sheet.
Toast at 350 degrees until crispy.

I'd give you a time for this, but it completely depends on what kind of bread you use as well as how your oven cooks. Set a timer at 5 minute increments to keep an eye on things. They like to burn when you least expect it. Fucking bread. Allow them to cool before you put on your salad.

 The Caesar Dressing:

First part, combine in your (ideally) wooden salad bowl, yes the big one, we're making the dressing IN THE SALAD BOWL ITSELF HOLY BALLSACK :

-3 cloves of garlic, finely microplaned (if you don't have one, go get one NOW)
-3 anchovy fillets
-healthy pinch of Maldon salt





Take a wooden spoon and smash the garlic around with the anchovy and salt until its an excruciatingly sexy paste.

Good job, kiddo.

NOW!


Add:
-The juice of one lemon
-1Tbs whole grain mustard
-1 Tbs Worcestershire sauce
-2 Tbs red wine vinegar
-6 Tbs olive oil.

Stir it around, taste it.
Fuck yeah.

If your dressing is too zingy, add more olive oil. If it tastes to salty or oily, add more citrus/vinegar. If you want a vegetarian caesar, swap out the anchovies for 1 TBS of tahini, and make sure you use a vegetarian worcestershire sauce.

Now add your chopped romaine on top, finely grated parmesan, your fresh crouties, and a dank ass helping of fresh ground pepper. Most triumphant.

PIZZATIME!!!

EVERYTHING GOES GOOD ON PIZZA. Bok choi, corn, bacon, ground beef, broccoli, potatoes (par cooked), shellfish (without the shells), avocado, lettuce, snow peas, asparagus, grated beets, bleu cheese, brie, apples, bananas, dates, nuts, corned beef, hot wing sauce, pears....tapatio. No seriously. I even put Indian food leftovers on a pizza...it was amazing. 

In any case, we bake our pizza in a 550 degree oven on a ceramic pizza stone. Remember: cold stone in a cold oven = good time! Cold stone in a hot oven = ceramic explosion of death. If you don't have a pizza stone, bake it on a cookie sheet!

The pizza pictured above has mushrooms, olives, roasted eggplant, tomatoes, bell peppers, arugula, goat cheese and mozzarella. When I use a delicate green like arugula, I put the cheese on last because the greens will burn if they're on top.

Also, random note, if you're putting vegetables like eggplant, zuchinni or potatoes on your pizza....you should roast them in an oven first before you put them on a pizza. It adds way more flavor.  Just slice your veggies the way you normally would, toss them with olive oil, salt and pepper, and bake them at 350 for like a half hour...maybe 45 minutes. You got this shit.